Hello, peeps, here read as people who I wishfully believe read my blog.
WELL!
I have done a crapload of knitting since my last post. I have knit, to date
1. Two sets of lace-up fingerless gloves from Alterknits
2. The second of my blue socks.
3. A lone mitten that will NOT be getting a mate
4. The complete back of my first sweater, Basic Black, in Elsebeth Lavold Silky Wool.
5. Two dishcloths
6. My first lace project, Branching Out, in Kidsilk Haze. (THAT was love at first sight)
7. A scrunchie handwarmer that will also probably not get a mate.
8. A striped sock that will definitely get a mate.
And probably other things that I have forgotten.
First, the sweater. Well, I was knitting an Elsebeth Lavold pattern, called Liv. Unfortunately, about 3/4 up the back, I decided that I hated the pattern, not because it isn't beautiful, but because it would look disgustingly bad on me. Baggy, unshaped, and just bad. The back, btw, was coming out much wider than it should, in my humble opinion. The yarn, Elsebeth Lavold Silky Wool, knits into a soft, thin fabric that smells nice, but while you're knitting it, doesn't seem to have much bounce. I, naturally thinking of my classically styled wardrobe, decided to pick out a bright golden color, number 44. I'm a magpie, what can I say?
Oh, and in case you read the list, and said WTF when you reached the dishcloth part? OK, well, gather round kids, I'm gonna tell you a short story. There once was a knitter who knew a very woman. Now, this very nice woman was very, very pregnant. She has until June to get even more pregnant. Now, this knitter knew her weaknesses, and she knew that she was a bad, bad person who could hardly finish anything that she started. So she decided that knitting tiny little baby things would be easy.
Now, this knitter was at Wal-Mart, and unlike people who have the luxury of boycotting Wal-Mart, she...did not. Still, she did manifestly resist the Fako yarn that this place did offer, finally drifting over to the cotton. Perfect! Cotton for a June baby! It's natural! So, despite the fact that Wal-Mart dost do evil unto its workers, and unorganic cotton dost do evil unto the enviroment, she picked up three balls of Peaches & Cream yarn, in blue, yellow, and a yellow-orange-white variegated.
And behold, this knitter did find out that her gauge was freaky, and she didst get 5.5 stitches per inch on size freaking 8 needles, and her plans for a hat and bootie set were sent to heck, unto which they belonged. Upon Ravelry there had been a heated discussion upon the subject of...dishclothes, or, as the knitter fondly thinks of them, warshcloths.
WTH (the H stands for heck, dear sensitive readers) she thought, I'll knit a d-n (that stands for darn, gentle readers) warshcloth.
She knit, and knit, and knit, and she finished her first warshcloth. To her joy and astonishment, she realized that she could make TWO WARSHCLOTHS from ONE ball! She took up the needles once more and, watching a really lame and freaky horror movie from the past, she knit, and knit, and knit, and finished the warshcloth
the next day.
So when the very pregnant woman is even more pregnant, she will be getting a little basket with yellow, blue, and yellow-orange-white warshcloths, a nice bar of Ivory soap, and a smile. No handshakes, because my wrists will be too sore from that damn cotton!
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3 comments:
hah! That's a lot of stuff you've made lately, you've certainly been busy!
Batman! I love the title of your post today, it made me smile and think of a previous post I'd made. (If you don't believe me, you can check my archive haha!)
Your narrative made me smile also. :)
That's a whole lot-o-knitting! Hate knitting cotton. Give me a nice soft wool any day of the week.
Why no mate for the mitten?
Because it was done in a fit of, "I wanna make a mitten 'cause it's snowing outside" and I used Caron simply soft, and it's a little too big. So, no mate!
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